Posted by: anurag7000 | April 18, 2008

How to Love your Child???

Even though most parents deeply love their children, most children do not feel loved and cared for by their parents. This is the primary cause of most problems we see in our children today. It is also the primary cause of misbehavior in our precious ones.
Why do so many children feel unloved? The first reason is that children are behaviorally motivated, while adults, especially parents, are verbally oriented. With children, what we do carries far more weight than what we say. For example, the words “I love you” have little meaning to a child. Of course we should tell our children we love them, but this is simply not enough. We must transmit our love to children on their terms-behaviorally. We must show our love in our actions as well as with our words
If we took a piece of paper and wrote down all the ways to love a child behaviorally, we could fill only one page because the numbers of ways to love a child are limited. This is because behavior is simple. This is an important fact because it is far easier to love a child behaviorally. Language is quite complex and children do not understand the real meaning of “I love you” until they are fifteen, and even then they are just beginning to understand.

Genuine love is unconditional. Unconditional love is loving a child no matter what. No matter what the child looks like, no matter what his assets, liabilities handicap. No matter what we expect him to be, and most difficult, no matter how he acts. A wise parent loves the child behaviorally as continuously as possible. We cannot do this 100% of the time, but that should be our goal.

Every child has an emotional tank, This is figurative, of course, but very real. It means that every child has specific emotional needs, especially unconditional love, which must be met. Children run off their emotional love tanks like cars run off gasoline tanks. But instead of gasoline, a child’s tank must be kept full with unconditional love. How do we do this? By giving our child unconditional love, especially by loving our child behaviorally.

Requests are the most positive way to control a child’s behavior. Requests are my favorite. A wise parent will use requests whenever possible. A request is asking a child to do something rather than telling him. A request is a question, “Would you do that for me?” This helps the parent-child relationship tremendously; it creates a warm bond between parent and child. It decreases anger. In fact, it soothes a child and dampens anger

But unfortunately requests do not always work. Then we must occasionally resort to commands. Commands are telling a child what to do. They are sometimes necessary but should only be used when requests do not work or are not appropriate.
Commands are a negative way to control a child’s behavior. They tend to arouse or augment a child’s anger. And commands send negative non-verbal messages to the child.

Children are needy today. They need their parents to have a healthy marital relationship. They need to feel loved and cared for by their parents. They need to be trained to handle their anger maturely. And, finally, they need to be helped in their spiritual lives, to have an uplifting faith in God, and to know that God loves them with the ultimate unconditional love. They must know that they can depend on Him to be their eternal Father who will love them and help them forever, that they can have hope for the future.

If a child is provided with these wonderful provisions, he or she will then be able to think logically, and rationally. Clear thinking is based on a sound and healthy emotional life, as well as a sound and healthy value system. Such a child will be able to make good, sensible decisions, and lead a balanced life. This is what we want for every child.

Everyone becomes angry from time to time. This is normal. It is normal to feel angry at times. It is the expression of anger that counts. But few, including adults, handle it well. This is because almost no one has been trained in the management of anger. Yet, this is our responsibility as parents. It must be done in the home. Our goal should be for our child to be able to handle anger maturely by the time she is seventeen years old. Why? Because a person’s character is forming during childhood and adolescence. When the child is between sixteen and seventeen his character gels and hardens. It becomes unchangeable, ingrained. The primary influence on the development of the child’s behavior is the way he handles his anger. And the primary determinant of how the child manages his anger is how the parents handle theirs.
Children are needy today. They need their parents to have a healthy marital relationship. They need to feel loved and cared for by their parents. They need to be trained to handle their anger maturely. And, finally, they need to be helped in their spiritual lives, to have an uplifting faith in God, and to know that God loves them with the ultimate unconditional love. They must know that they can depend on Him to be their eternal Father who will love them and help them forever, that they can have hope for the future.

If a child is provided with these wonderful provisions, he or she will then be able to think logically, and rationally. Clear thinking is based on a sound and healthy emotional life, as well as a sound and healthy value system. Such a child will be able to make good, sensible decisions, and lead a balanced life. This is what we want for every child.

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